How NOT to write a book #6: Query letters are easy

My search for advice on writing a query letter began with a YouTuber with a huge audience. I watched this published author’s video, I took notes in hopes to avoid the pitfalls others constantly fall into. In the very next video, I listened to an actual agent point-by-point denounce everything the author said. I went to websites and blogs and wrote so much down that I later had to strike through in light of contradicting advice and HOLY CRAP is this whole process MADDENING!

They said that you should start as if you are pitching it in an elevator. BOOM! Hit them with the big guns right off the bat! Once you got that hook in them, reel them in with the synopsis! Don’t spoil the plot, just tease them with the trailer for your novel! But remember, this isn’t a synopsis or a blurb, this is a query letter. Tell them how the book goes, don’t try to tease them like they’re a fan, no, explain it to them like a future business partner, because that is what they will be… your business partner.

Sell yourself! Tell the agent who you are and what inspired you to write this novel. But remember, they don’t care about who you are, so just tell them the important things like, if you’ve been published before and what credentials you may have.

Make sure to sum up your whole story in 200 words. These people are busy. They get tons of letters, so don’t tell them too much. It’s a synopsis, you know… like the back of a book! It’s not complicated. I mean, if you look it up, the first result you’ll see clearly states that a query letter should be one full page plus maybe 300 words more on the second page!

Those four paragraphs above add up to 301 words… and there is no way to summarize my book, sell my series, tell them why you chose them, and tell them who I am in that amount of space. By the time I whittle the story down to fit, I’ve chopped off so many interesting points that it boils down to “My adventure has fights and magic and dragons and funny stuff! Trust me, it’s not derivative!” What makes matters worse is that these pieces of conflicting advice come from published professionals and agents with years in the business! I didn’t even touch on all the crazy advice some people give.

The dirty truth is that every agent is different. The perfect letter to one person might get auto-skipped by another and they are not obligated to tell you why. The best one can do is research the individual agent and do their best to appeal to them as individually as possible. With my first rejection in the books, I’m just going to have to keep tweaking and changing my letter until I send the right version to the right person. When I am actually published, I’ll revisit this topic with a version of the letter that sealed the deal. Until then… wish me luck! Maybe the one I’m sending today will be the one!

Fingers Crossed!