Impasta Syndrome

In writer’s circles, there’s this cliché that you’re never done editing, that no matter how many times you edit, you just can’t read your own book without wanting to change something. Every writer’s forum will have the same repeat question from struggling writers… “How do I know when my work is done?” or “How do I stop editing?” … I want to reach through the computer and put a hand on their shoulder and say “Oh, I feel your pain. The struggle is real.” Several published authors have told me or have videos about how they never got to the point where they looked at their work and thought “Oh well THIS is perfect and doesn’t have any mistakes in it at all!”

Ugh…

To make matters worse, I’ve had people tell me that there are some mistakes they didn’t notice until AFTER their work was published. I repeat… SOME PEOPLE… as in SEVERAL… as in “Holy crap! I’m doomed! These people are Professional Authors with published works and even THEY have errors in their books!” You would think this would make me feel better, like “Hey! If those fancy people made mistakes, it’s no big deal if YOU do!” but no… I interpret this as “If they couldn’t, then there’s no WAY that you can!”

Then here comes all the doubt. Here comes the feeling that I’m an impostor. Here comes the feeling that all of this has been for nothing… that it’s time to give up.

After the last edit, I decided to do a read-through. I was 100% sure that it would feel polished and ready… but no… it’s full of the oddest issues. Most of them are strange, like five spaces in a row, a period with no space after it, an ellipse with no space after it. As I read through and do touch-ups, I can’t help but find myself still editing. “Oh I can word that better. Eew… how did people like THAT phrasing.” Once again… here comes the doubt. “Nobody expects you to ever publish this. They cheer you on, but they’re just being nice. Deep down, they know you’re going to fail.”

This right here is why I call myself a ‘writer’ and not an ‘author.’ Calling myself that will be my reward for getting published. Yes… despite all that negativity, I’m not giving up. I’m going to press on. I’m going to get overcaffeinated. I’m going to lean on my wife and my best friends and I’m going to push through this. I’m going to focus on the beta readers that told me they loved it, and I’m going to do my best to keep fighting!

To everyone that’s reading this… thank you! Thanks for thinking more highly of me than that stupid voice in my head.